Number 171 Fall 2017 $11.95 HAPPY PLACEIssue 172 / Winter 2017 KEEPING THE CENTER Submission Deadline: October 21, 2017 www.rfdmag.org/upload We’re asking our readers to reflect on how we delve forward being inclusive—but inclusive without being dogmatic about how we do that. Getting at the purpose of self-direction and autonomy with an open society, how do we meet the concerns of those who feel marginalized while also being able to speak to the needs of the larger community, agency and purpose? How do we speak from our own core values when those values do not seem to agree with the current models of intersectionality, safe space, and inclusivity? If the goal is community that allows for difference, then how do we challenge emerging orthodoxies, challenging ourselves and others when need be, but also being aware that being uncomfortable is different than harm, and that fear is not the same as violence? “Nearly all creators of Utopia have resembled the man who has toothache, and therefore thinks that happiness consists in not having toothache.” —George Orwell,Can Socialists Be Happy RFD 171 Fall 2017 1 Reverberating Funny Days Vol 44 No 1 #171 Fall 2017 So obviously everyone here at RFD wanted summer to never end. Our apologies for the late issue but with a small crew and difficult schedules and life events we’ve been delayed. So we hope you enjoyed the summer issue some more while waiting. So we asked you to consider ways of taking us to your happy place. The reaction has been varied and shows the diverse impres- sions of our readers. So we offer you essays, poems, photography and artwork, short stories and an interview. All in their way reflecting what a happy place looks like, feels like, what delving into happiness is about and how record our happiness and our struggles. RFD is as most of you know a small enterprise and recently we sold a cache of RFD back issues to Virginia Tech after they saw only one copy of RFD from the 70’s. We’re hoping we can inspire you to share your experience of RFD with others – share your copy, gift a subscription to someone, recommend a book- store to carry us, and if like a generous donor you are able to give we’d highly appreciate it as we’re hoping to match their amazing gift of thousands of dollars to fulfill undone projects: our archive scanning project to digitize our back issues as well as publishing a chapbook of Michael Mason’s poetry. All with our usual printing of the magazine we’re trying to economize on things but we’re facing challenges – old comput- ers, higher costs for software and increasing fixed costs – storage space for back issues, internet and postage costs which seem to go up each year. We’d love feedback on the magazine and we’d love to hear your ideas for future issues – send comments, ideas to us via submis- sions@rfdmag.org or send us a letter! RFD Press PO Box 302 Hadley MA 01035-0302. We hope you enjoy the issue! —from a sunny still New England The RFD Collective Between the Lines2 RFD 171 Fall 2017 RFD is a reader-written journal for gay people which focuses on country living and encourages alternative life- styles. We foster community building and networking, explore the diverse expressions of our sexuality, care for the environment, Radical Faerie consciousness, and nature-centered spirituality, and share experiences of our lives. RFD is produced by volun- teers. We welcome your participation. The business and general production are coordinated by a collective. Features and entire issues are prepared by different groups in various places. RFD (ISSN# 0149-709X) is published quarterly for $25 a year by RFD Press, P.O. Box 302, Hadley MA 01035-0302. Postmaster: Send address changes to RFD, P.O. Box 302, Hadley MA 01035-0302. Non-profit tax exempt #62-1723644, a function of RFD Press with office of registration at 231 Ten Penny Rd., Woodbury, TN 37190. RFD Cover Price: $9.95. A regular subscription is the least expensive way to receive it four times a year. First class mailed issues will be forwarded. Others will not. Send address changes to submissions@rfdmag.org or to our Hadley, MA address. Copyright © RFD Press. The records required by Title 18 U.S.D. Section 2257 and as- sociated with respect to this magazine (and all graphic material associated therewith on which this label appears) are kept by the custodian of records at the following location: RFD Press, 85 N Main St, Ste 200, White River Junction, VT 05001. On the Covers Front: Painting by Timo Elliot Back : Graphic by Josh Turk Production Managing Editor: Bambi Gauthier Art Director: Matt Bucy Submission Deadlines Winter–October 21, 2017 Spring–January 21, 2018 See inside covers for themes and specifics. For advertising, subscriptions, back issues and other information visit www.rfdmag.org Images by Josh Turk RFD 171 Fall 2017 3 CONTENTS A Call to Faeries ..........................Damien Rowse ........................4 Dancing Blind ............................Dragonfly .............................5 Life Reimagined: Chaos to Simplicity .......Gregory T. Wilkins (a.k.a. Equus) .......7 Happy Place / My First Poem ..............Tim Evans ............................8 If You See Yourself Going Through Hell, Keep Going ...........................Joseph Morairty / Equus ................9 Joe ......................................Leo Racicot ..........................11 Punatic .................................James Schwartz ......................15 Am I a Radical Faerie? ....................Don Perryman .......................16 Chris Moody ............................................................18, 39, 41 Deluxe Bologna ..........................e.c. patrick ...........................19 Shivian Morgan ..................................................22, 23, 49, 52, 63 Interview with Jay Stratton ................Bambi ...............................20 Josh Turk ........................................................Back Cover, 2, 24 Daniel Nicoletta, Photographs & Book . . . . . ......................................28 Ananda: A Day In Queens .................Bambi Gauthier ......................36 The Secret of Jude MacDowell .............Meghan Bell .........................40 Timo Elliot ...........................................Front Cover, 43, 46, 54, 58, 60 James McColley Eilers .........................................................45 The Choice ..............................Lilly Moore ..........................48 Duermevala. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Franklin Abbott ......................53 Amalgam ................................Leah Dugan .........................55 A Hike ..................................Mark Ellis ...........................56 Hymn to Pan .............................Rob McCabe ........................57 Women from South Georgia ...............Forrest Evans ........................59 Silver Paws ..............................Robert Fleming .......................61 At The Time… ...........................Maximillan. E. Romo. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 624 RFD 171 Fall 2017 A Call to Faeries by Damien Rowse A Vision of Three-Year Retreats for Rainbow and Ally Couples, supported by Faerie Sanctuaries. Join our Facebook Page, “Three-Year Faerie Meditation Retreat for Couples”. In Memory of Bernhard Nobis who died in 2017. We experienced the truth of reality beyond birth and death while we lived on retreat together for six weeks in 2016. In Bernhard’s memory I wish to share this knowledge with the Faerie lineage. W e dreamed of the day when any Faerie Sanc- tuary that wanted it would have the knowl- edge to support any couple to organise a three-year meditation retreat for themselves. Of course it makes sense to do shorter retreats first but this was the long-term vision. The Radical Faeries were born out of the meeting between the Gay Rights movement and the Two Spirit lineage of the Native American Nations when Harry Hay and John Burnside lived with the Tewa Nation of New Mexico in the 1970s. They learned that as in most indigenous cultures, the Two Spirit lineage retained the knowledge that we are a differ- ent gender whose power and beauty stems from our having male and female spirit in the same body. In the Two Spirit lineage we have always had a place to stand. Bernhard and I learned much from the time I lived in India, spending time with a Swiss yogi who had lived on retreat for many years both alone and with his wife. On our overcrowded planet we come together after centuries and millennia of some European minds having partially obscured the knowledge of who we are, to help lead the human species to lib- eration. The easiest, most loving way to achieve this is for a couple to retreat into a secluded hut or cave and simply lie down together. The Light at the centre of the universe is an infi- nite, eternal ocean of Light brighter than a hundred suns. Its nature is infinite compassion, infinite love and infinite knowledge. It is our true nature. The Light is dreaming the soul plane, from whence souls return into human form again and again. The entire universe is a dream created by the human mind. Allow the illusory mind to be absorbed back into the light of the soul inside the innermost chamber of the heart. From there allow yourself as the soul to be sucked through the wormhole-like tunnel across galaxies faster than the speed of light to the Light at the centre of the universe. The soul burns up instantly and one need not come back again for another lifetime. When a baby is born it exists as soul conscious- ness abiding inside the innermost chamber of the heart. Through exposure to human minds the consciousness voluntarily closes shut this innermost chamber as an act of self-protection. The thought ‘I’ travels down from the head and embeds itself into this clenched-shut tissue… over time the child be- lieves this ‘I’ is its true nature but this is not so. The consciousness shifting up to the head is unnatural. The mind is meant to be there only for emergency problem-solving such as storing food for winter. It is overcrowding that has created pressure on the human internal ecosystem that has resulted in unusual and sustained mind-centeredness. If one’s consciousness is mind-centered, every single thought embeds density into the organs of the torso. This density is harmful, obscuring the natural Light that shines in these organs when we are born. Bernhard and I found that just by lying together with chests and tummies touching, no books or technology, the energetic emanation from the torso nourished the other. The heart, solar plexus and torso gradually let go of the density stored in these Above: Bernhard and Damien, June 2016. Photographs courtesy author. RFD 171 Fall 2017 5 O ne of my most powerful learning moments happened while dancing blindfolded with a hundred naked men. At a gathering of Radical Faeries, community members hosted a wild ecstatic dance. A bacchanal event that I hoped would be super sexy (and it was!) but it also opened my eyes. With no light stimulating my optic nerves, I had a chance to look at men with other senses. Reveal- ing attractions and judgments to which I had been blind. Imagine a hundred naked blindfolded men danc- ing together. Imagine gnats swarming in a beam of sunshine. Short lived dances of blind mating. Crash- ing into each other until a connection allows them to complete their mission. Sight gives us the gift of knowing we are near others while allowing us to maintain distance. I know that I am surrounded but as soon as my blind- fold is in place, I am amazed at how I feel alone. It doesn’t occur to me to just dance and enjoy the music like I usually do. Instead, that feeling pushes me to seek a partner. We are all blind. As I wander in my darkness, el- bows, backs and warm bodies brush up against me. Even without sight, I can tell if the body that bumps up against me is already dancing with someone else. And although I could attach myself to these duets, I feel I must look for someone who is free. As time passes on my own, I begin to take my solitariness personally. The idea that everyone else is connected and I am left out crops up. I know this is ridiculous because no one around me can actually Dancing Blind by Dragonfly organs through a lifetime of thoughts. We wept each evening as the organs purified themselves. The chambers of the heart gradually unclenched; when the innermost chamber unclenches the il- lusory mind is sucked back into the light of the soul therein. We became unimaginably strong, doing weight- bearing poses. We naturally gravitated towards eating more and more of the most stable, potent nutrition: raw grains and nuts. We rented out prop- erty so that we could retreat properly and have food supplies delivered. Eventually the internal organs shone with Light in their original and natural glory. Then and only then were we ready to sit up, all the organs support- ing each breath in full power. A rod of solid energy extends from the crown of the head down through the innermost chamber of the heart and down to the groin. This is the soul. With more love and rest the soul itself is then inexorably sucked back through the tunnel to the Light at the centre of the universe. Your true nature yearns for this to happen; every force in this dream- universe is propelling and encouraging you to return Home to your true nature of infinite light, infinite love, infinite knowledge and infinite compassion. Forever and always and right now this second.6 RFD 171 Fall 2017 see me or each other. We are all in the same boat. I am a bit of a loner. I’ve spent more of my adult life as a single man than in relationships. But none- theless, this curious personal angst emerges in me in that space. When I do find someone, we explore each other rudimentarily. Our hands feeling the contours and temperatures. The hair and the skin. Gathering data. And once a flimsy sort of commitment is in place, we begin to learn the way our energies will play together. The relief of finding another body willing to stay with me however briefly in this chaotic world is palpable. The first time it happens I feel immediately grounded. And with it comes the new story that all the other naked men are now dancing around me and my new partner. I am now a sun. No longer a lonely planet orbiting through space. After a song ends or my in- terest begins to fade, I let go of the star I’m with and immedi- ately, I am a million miles away from contact. Even though I know he is only inches away. I feel as though he completely ceases to exist. Each connection I discover creates a unique dialogue. Part me. Part this other person. Without words or images, it’s mind-blowing to discover how instantaneously we find our groove. Whether its playful or sensual, I am curious how much of me is in each duet. I dance a little on my own in my own personal darkness but feel foolish. There are community members around the edges of the space watching and taking care that dancers don’t hurt themselves. The awareness of their gaze keeps me self aware and seeking others. I collide with now warmer, sweatier bodies. Until once again I find a new partner. This man has thicker, more sculpted muscular padding and we move in sync beautifully. We dance together for a long time. I let him go to the tips of our fingers and then reel him in to nuzzle and embrace him again. I begin to feel my cock come alive but this world is sensual, not sexual. I welcome the aliveness in my body and let it be. After awhile, the intimacy deepens. The touch, the play is communicating a soft creative beauty. I had to peek. I had to know who he was and when I did, I was a bit thrown. It was someone I had known for years. Someone I had kept at distance. He is about my age, darkly tanned, really muscu- lar with dyed hair and lots of tattoos. The prominent tattoo of Papa Smurf on his shoulder stumps me. My mind has created a story that he is too tanned, too muscular, too tattooed for me. And the hair col- oring with the tan is a visual disconnect. But I don’t know him. I distance myself from knowing this man with my eyes open. But with my eyes closed, I want him close. My initial thought is to pull away, now that I knew who it is. Then I think why? I can not unsee him. And the intimacy and pleasure we feel can not be unknown. Other parts of our embodied intel- ligence do the work of learning about each other. Blindfolding ourselves allows a connection to happen that vision normally prevents. So there in that music filled space surrounded by a hundred naked dancing men, I do battle with myself. To recognize that the judgements my vision inspired are not truth. I have to honor the truth of a beautiful intimacy that my body is now holding. As the dance continues, I float between a few more partners but keep my blindfold firmly in place. To revel in the body centered exploring just a little bit longer. And when the music stops, I am sad as vision based reality shifts back again. I believed in the absolute authority of sight and as I remove my blindfold, I am no longer sure I can believe my eyes. Looking around the room, I seek out the man I have the powerful connection with and again, the same judgements crowd my mind. But they are less powerful, less believable. And for the first time, I can see the shadow of my vision. Sight offers a layer of reality. An interpretation of reality. Clearly, not the truth. At least not the whole truth. There are so many gifts from this blindfolded adventure. Without sight, the fear of being alone is never so palpable. The grounded, centered feeling of connection never such a relief. And in order to see truth, at least more truth, I needed to close my eyes and feel for it. Each connection I discover creates a unique dialogue. Part me. Part this other person. Without words or images, it’s mind- blowing to discover how instantaneously we find our groove. RFD 171 Fall 2017 7 “I am leaving the country if tRump is elected”, are the words that rung in my ears during the tRum- papocalypse fiasco. Will leaving the USA truly solve the problem? No. (It will only follow you; it’s like a sexual transmitted infection that never goes away.) My Facebook feed is littered with snarls, memes, and emojis that try to bring some resemblance of cheer, aware- ness, or anger in these uncertain times. Sitting at the lunch coun- ter with friends and colleagues, the dialogue circles back to how we will manage as a community of educators, activists, scholars, and queers that want to engage, while enraged, creating and shaping a place that we hold dear, as we challenge others (and ourselves) on topics such as “the wall,” immigration, Betsy DeVos education “reform,” and health- care to name a few. In Minnesota, social change warriors rallied allies together at the Unitarian Universalist Church as well the local mosque and other houses of worship for dialogue. We explored ideas on community building, shared re- sources, and local activism strat- egies that would bring awareness and engagement to the hearts and minds of fair-minded Mid- westerners. We would not be silenced by fear, aggression, or a life of negative what-ifs. Activists and allies recalled that Minnesota was the first state in the United States where the people voted for queer mar- riage by defeating a proposed state constitutional ban on same-sex marriage. We held house parties, music gatherings, free speech protests, and social justice marches. This foundation set the tone as to how we would move forward in these now unpredictable and uncertain times. We created a web presence where members could inform the community of concerns, network, and reach out to one another. We developed a phone tree should U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforce- ment disrupt our neighborhoods, places of business, and worship. Our local communities supported one another as places like Minneapolis and St. Paul became sanctuary cities, telling the federal govern- ment it cannot coerce local governments into doing its work. While all this is well and good, the tRump fog finds its way into our daily life; it creeps into everything. The national pulse of tRumpapocalypse can become mentally, spiritually, and physically exhaust- Life Reimagined: Chaos to Simplicity by Gregory T. Wilkins (a.k.a. Equus) Phoenix Rising Number 2, by the author.Next >