Number 174 Summer 2018 $11.95 AMUSE USIssue 175 / Fall 2018 QUEER PRESS AND YOU Submission Deadline: July 21, 2018 www.rfdmag.org/upload Back when RFD started there was a burgeon- ing gay press, everything from feminist journals to gay male porn with poetry by Andre Gide. The big national gay press - The Advocate, the Washington Blade and Gay Community News filled many of our mailboxes or were things we picked up at cool newsstands or the ubiquitous headships that filled the 70’s with the remnants of the New Left and the hippy culture. There were also literary ventures like Sinister Wisdom and Fag Rag. The community was com- ing out in all sorts of ways and a wide ranging queer press was there delving into the spiritual (White Crane, Green Man), feminism (Heresies, Off Our Backs) and other various topics like art and politics. The 80s brought even more regional and local gay newspapers and bar rags and the birth of the more radical queer zines began to appear along more traditional fare like Christopher Street. The 80s also brought the AIDS crisis and by the end of the decade more political gay magazines hit the streets like Outweek. For a short period there was a strong GLBT press of color like BLK but by the late 90s consolida- tion, the internet and probably to some extent assimilation the gay press shrank. Given the rise of political activism today like “Gays Against Guns,” “RISE + RESIST,” what can we glean from this earlier period of queer ethos and perspective, and what might we learn from previous attempts seen in past media of creating change that can nurture our current moment. We’re hoping you will share your stories about the gay media and how it shaped your experi- ence. We welcome submissions on any era of the gay press and are open to hearing about how new media (blogs, web portals, and other online media) has shaped how you understand our queer world. Please share your stories especially if you wrote for, were interviewed or otherwise took part in gay media. RFD 174 Summer 2018 1 Rhymes, Fiction and Dish Vol 44 No 4 #174 Summer 2018 We’ve been grinning up a storm again. Maybe it’s the calm New England air this time of year or it could be that we’re so thrilled with another fun issue with a diverse, engaged set of readers sending in their wonderful stories, poems and artwork. This issue is about what amuses us or what a Muse for us is. We asked readers to consider both ideas at once. As what brings us laughter, passion, hope, challenge or merely connects us with being alive, in our precious bodies in the now brings us this amazing issue, we hope it amuses you, help you seek out your own muse in yourself, in others, in Nature, in the Spirit. But do welcome it in. Surprise yourself. We are so thrilled and surprised by the variety of the submissions from many parts of the rainbow of our community—thank you everyone for sending in your stories and documenting all of our experiences. Everyone at RFD is beaming at the diversity and perspectives. As you all know, RFD is a small time miracle of love that stretches back to 1974. We feel we are honoring those ancestors who wanted to help in reach- ing out to others. We as ever need your support in helping RFD reach others. We have dedicated readers and subscribers but we want to engage you more to include others in knowing about RFD and sharing it. Without reaching beyond our immediate comfort zone, RFD might not exist so share us with others, help us to amuse others! Our website—www.rfdmag.org—lists upcoming gatherings, calls for submis- sions for future issues and asks you to subscribe or read online. We humbly ask if you choose to not subscribe to paper copy please consider donating to help pay our humble fixed costs. You can send donations to us at RFD Press, PO Box 302, Hadley MA 01035-0302. Happy summer from the balmy boys in White River Junction! —RFD Collective Between the Lines2 RFD 174 Summer 2018 RFD is a reader-written journal for gay people which focuses on country living and encourages alternative life- styles. We foster community building and networking, explore the diverse expressions of our sexuality, care for the environment, Radical Faerie consciousness, and nature-centered spirituality, and share experiences of our lives. RFD is produced by volun- teers. We welcome your participation. The business and general production are coordinated by a collective. Features and entire issues are prepared by different groups in various places. RFD (ISSN# 0149-709X) is published quarterly for $25 a year by RFD Press, P.O. Box 302, Hadley MA 01035-0302. Postmaster: Send address changes to RFD, P.O. Box 302, Hadley MA 01035-0302. Non-profit tax exempt #62-1723644, a function of RFD Press with office of registration at 231 Ten Penny Rd., Woodbury, TN 37190. RFD Cover Price: $9.95. A regular subscription is the least expensive way to receive it four times a year. First class mailed issues will be forwarded. Others will not. Send address changes to submissions@rfdmag.org or to our Hadley, MA address. Copyright © RFD Press. The records required by Title 18 U.S.D. Section 2257 and as- sociated with respect to this magazine (and all graphic material associated therewith on which this label appears) are kept by the custodian of records at the following location: RFD Press, 85 N Main St, Ste 200, White River Junction, VT 05001. On the Covers Front & Back: “Beast of the BackyardWilds 1”, photograph by Jason Jenn, Flourish Projects Group Production Managing Editor: Bambi Gauthier Art Director: Matt Bucy Visual Contributors Jerry Aronson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7 Blackbird . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 Dmitry Bitjukov . . . . . . . . . . .18, 19, 25, 34, 37, 42, 44 Jason Jenn, Flourish Projects Group . . . . . . .Cover, 27 Darren Jones and Kirby Congdon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .61 Menchaca . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2, 32-33, 52-58 Joseph Minutello . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9,31, 47, 50, 51 Chris Moody . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22, 40 John O’Leary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Back Inside Cover Vojislav Radovanovic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5, 14, 16, 29, 48 Patric “Pipa” Stillman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13 Submission Deadlines Fall–July 21, 2018 Winter–October 21, 2018 See inside covers for themes and specifics. For advertising, subscriptions, back issues and other information visit www.rfdmag.org Photograph by Menchaca RFD 174 Summer 2018 3 CONTENTS Announcements ................................................................4 Two Poems ..............................Ian Ayres .............................6 A Somewhat, Almost Letter to Rufus .......e.c. patrick ............................8 Meeting the Dakini .......................Blackbird ............................11 Invasion .................................Jim Farfaglia .........................12 Ebb and Flow ............................Allen Hoston .........................15 They/Them ..............................Allen Hoston .........................17 Musings of and Invisible Girl. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Imaginary ...........................20 Two Options for the Afterlife ..............Charlie Bondhus .....................21 Married Now ............................Tom Ciuba . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23 What Is A Muse? .........................Roman Smithee ......................24 You Will Not Be Buried ...................Jason Jenn /Jay Sunlight Moonshadow ..26 Unshaven Quest ..........................Aaron M. Mason, CDQ ...............28 Volumes .................................Denise Conca ........................30 I-Thou and All That Jazz ..................Atticus Winterfae .....................35 Furtwengler ..............................Phillip-John Puzzo ....................43 The Body of Marshall Beach ...............Sean T. Stevens .......................49 Transformism ............................Menchaca ...........................52 How I Laughed ...........................Raymond Luczak .....................604 RFD 174 Summer 2018 Springtime in Autumn Farm 18-22 October 2018 Autumn Farm 37 Central Takaka Rd, Takaka 7183, New Zealand RadFANZ.org.nz Convened by Green Mountain Crossroads, the Summit is a gathering place to collectively discuss and explore our rural and small town experiences as LGBTQ people. This fourth annual event is a two-day gathering for those of us LGBTQ people who are living, cre- ating, working, and organizing in rural communi- ties and small towns. Out in the Open is a space to vent, strategize, connect, build, reflect, think, experience, and make. Folks from any rural community or small town are welcome to join us although we an- ticipate the majority of attendees to be from the Northeast US. We encourage participants to bring in to all of these sessions thoughts, questions, and strategies connected to struggles for justice against racism, classism, misogyny, incarceration, police brutality, ableism, fascism, transphobia, and other oppres- sions. www.greenmountaincrossroads.org. ANNOUNCEMENTS Having made it to fifty is pretty exciting and I’d like to celebrate. I’ve seldom asked for friends support but I feel called for two reasons to ask for your help as I enjoy a wonderful fifty years. I’ve wanted for a long time to go India to visit and participate in the Chota Charm Dham, the four little abodes, in Uttarakhand as well as visiting the ghat in Varanasi where my mom’s ashes were scattered by dear friends the year after her death. I’ve always had a keen affinity for India with my mom’s interest in Karnatic music, my joy at attending pooja at Ganesh Temple in Queens and my learned devotions from the Guru Gita. So this trip has been on my mind forever. I’d also like—as is my nature—to be practical in my requests and I’ve wanted for some time to work to do some finish work on the cabin at Destiny that has been a boon to my ability to participate in gatherings there with the challenges I face with mobility and not being able to rough it on the land like I used to. It’s been such a joy to me to see the cabin used by folks who need a bit more comfort, and I’ve always tried to keep my space there welcoming and available, but it could use some help with insulation, better flooring and access to solar power. Fête Bambi’s 50th www.youcaring.com/bambi50“Study for Self Portrait 01 & 02”, photographs by Vojislav Radovanovic (aka Mr . Voice Love)6 RFD 174 Summer 2018 Did you receive my sperm? Bottled an ounce in your honor. Wrote a note: Consider it an overseas orgasm... Edmund White teased, “He might drink it.” “Hope not,” I gasped, “There’re no preservatives!” Preservative in French means condom. Remember in Paris, at the hotel near Napoleon’s Tomb, when we sat like naked Buddhas on the floor, playing blind; my hands exploring your face, your hands finding my cock... in the dark? —Ian Ayres Allen Ginsberg Gave Great Head I long for his bearded vagina mouth his thick lips saving my cock from teeth his baldness bobbing for my balls I long to grab him by the ears to pump his drool full of throbbing meat to bruise his tonsils swimming in semen I long for his bony finger up my ass playing dirty doctor digging deep poking my prostate till my balls cling I long, hard and long, for his genius head raised eyes wide on my cock in his jerking grip pleasure spasms shooting white with moans I long to know the moment after when he’d bow his head “You okay, Allen?” I’d ask wondering if he was crying or out of breath at my knees at the foot of the bed “Don’t move,” he’d say and five minutes of dripping silence would pass before he’d use my knees to get off of his I long for the warm moist washcloth he’d bring repeating, “don’t move” gently cleaning me like a baby in a crib. —Ian Ayres Dear Allen Ginsberg RFD 174 Summer 2018 7 “Allen Ginsberg Strangles Ian Ayres”, photograph by Jerry AronsonNext >