Number 188 Winter 2021 • $11.95 PASSING THE TORCHWROIssue 189 / Spring 2022 GROWING, GLEANING, GIVING Submission Deadline: January 21, 2022 www.rfdmag.org/upload RFD has a legacy of reflecting on queer’s experience with growing food, the land and reclaiming life skills. So it’s no surprise that in this era of reevaluating everything a number of readers are asking about our rural roots, queer farming, re-centering post-COVID and how to reconnect with each other in a changed world where some of us decided to return to a rural lifestyle or reshaped how we source our food. Many of our first decade had articles about sustain- ability, queer farming while recently we’ve done issues on queering the diet #185, “wilding” #161, queer sustainability #143 and rural gay life #124 but you can find this topics scattered throughout our pages. So with that in mind we are asking our readers to write in about rural queer life and how it has changed since RFD’s incep- tion in 1974. We are hoping to explore ways of how isolation, networking, skill sharing and creating a wider community has shifted or stayed the same since RFD last did a major issue on rural gay life. We’d really like to hear about GLBTQ farmers, people shaping a life without the electric grid, living closer to the land and how it’s been shaped by the current events, climate change, or cultural shifts. We have heard from a number of people who also want to reach out looking to make connec- tions with other GLBTQ friendly farmers to network for finding farm hands, setting up small cooperatives and creating ways to share skills and ideas. We are also aware of a blossoming of women, people of color and transgen- dered people are helping to add to the conversation about queer farming, “back to the land” and self-reliance. We wel- come input from these communities. We welcome submissions from everyone who is interested in queers in rural spaces as well as living off the land as farmers, gar- deners and localvores. Please free to share this call with friends and anywhere you believe it may reach someone who may be interested. We also welcome resource information about groups, networks and coops that fit into this call so we can provide a resource guide for our readers. Photograph: Dick Mitchell RFD 188 Winter 2021 1 Relight, Forget, Dream Vol 48 No 2 #188 Winter 2021 Between the Lines In this issue we asked our readers to reflect on “passing the torch.” We’re happy to share the various approaches people brought to the topic. Some reflected upon the relationship to the past, to a form of continuity through “elders,” myriad forms of mentoring and role model- ing while keeping things real by trying to ride the fine line of evolving and maintaining a balance of traditions. Some shared passing the torch as a reflection of personal struggle as the queer community shifted and changed. Some chose to reflect upon the recognition of the spirit of others in creating a lineage outside of childbirth, a magical tendril to our queer selves. Lastly, we have a reflection on how someone’s religious life was eventually forced to be realigned to confront oppression and alight a new path to the spirit. In other parts of the issue we have a number of poems as well as a introduction to several poets and their work. We also share insights into the struggle of LGBTQI people in Uganda after the passage of several oppressive laws and how that community is being resilient and defiant in the face of homophobia and transphobia. Another essay explores the alchemy of the anus, delving into the archetypes and imagery to reclaim the queer anus. A long time Faerie shares his recollections of the Third National Gathering in New Mexico in 1981, sharing several photos of that early gathering. We hope everyone enjoys the holiday season as it approaches and we hope you’ll consider supporting RFD as part of your giving during this time, your support, ideas and subscriptions help keep RFD alive! We pray everyone is safe, prepared for the season ahead and still vigilant in the face of COVID-19. From a cold, raining weekend in Vermont turned sunny… —the RFD Collective2 RFD 188 Winter 2021 RFD is a reader-written journal for gay people which focuses on country living and encourages alternative life- styles. We foster community building and networking, explore the diverse expressions of our sexuality, care for the environment, Radical Faerie consciousness, and nature-centered spirituality, and share experiences of our lives. RFD is produced by volun- teers. We welcome your participation. The business and general production are coordinated by a collective. Features and entire issues are prepared by different groups in various places. RFD (ISSN# 0149-709X) is published quarterly for $25 a year by RFD Press, P.O. Box 302, Hadley MA 01035-0302. Postmaster: Send address changes to RFD, P.O. Box 302, Hadley MA 01035-0302. Non-profit tax exempt #62-1723644, a function of RFD Press with office of registration at 231 Ten Penny Rd., Woodbury, TN 37190. RFD Cover Price: $11.95. A regular subscription is the least expensive way to receive it four times a year. First class mailed issues will be forwarded. Others will not. Send address changes to submissions@rfdmag.org or to our Hadley, MA address. Copyright © RFD Press. The records required by Title 18 U.S.D. Section 2257 and as- sociated with respect to this magazine (and all graphic material associated therewith on which this label appears) are kept by the custodian of records at the following location: RFD Press, 85 N Main St, Ste 200, White River Junction, VT 05001. On the Covers Front: "Man Imagines" by Richard Vyse Production Managing Editor: Bambi Gauthier Production Editor: Matt Bucy Submission Deadlines Spring—January 21, 2022 Summer—April 21, 2022 See inside covers for themes and specifics. For advertising, subscriptions, back issues and other information visit www.rfdmag.org. To read online visit www.issuu.com/rfmag . Visual Contributors Inside This Issue Images or pieces not directly associated with an article. Diego Vela ...................................2 Dean Hoy ....................................8 Dudgrick Bevins .............................23 Richard Vyse ......................Cover, 26, 42 Wave .......................................46 Know Thyself/Becoming by Diego Vela. RFD 188 Winter 2021 3 CONTENTS I Want To Believe In Faeries ...............Justin Elizabeth Sayre ..................4 Passing the Torch—My Teachers and What They Taught Me .................Covelo ...............................9 Keeping Faerie Fresh ...................... ☉R△CLE and Mountaine ...............14 The Rise, Fall, and Transformation of My Gay Community .................Les K. Wright aka Dragonfly ...........18 De-Expurgating Whitman .................William Demaree .....................24 The Blessings of Our Elders —Is Pressed Into Our Cells .............Andrew Elias Ramer ..................25 Timmy ..................................Lee Spruell ..........................28 Notes from the Front .....................Hammer .............................31 Benediction ..............................Glory Cumbow .......................33 Wrestling with Demons ...................Andre Le Mont Wilson ................35 A Poem in Five Panels .....................Dudgrick Bevins ......................37 When Clare’s Not Singing... ................Our Little Pony .......................38 Anus as Archetype: A Cryptogram for the Next Generation of Queer Wizards ...Frater Guaiferius .....................43 Poetic Legacies ...........................Franklin Abbott ......................47 Joy Rags and Prayer Flags ..................Philip Hare ..........................51 Poems ...................................Gavin Dillard ........................52 SAM ...................................Ken Anderson ........................53 Lip-Synch For Your Life ...................Kate Meyer-Currey ...................54 Under Poplars ............................Mark A. Murphy .....................55 Death at the Door ........................Steven Schwei ........................55 Spiritwood: The Third National Faerie Gathering ..............Bob Henry (Smiley) ...................56 St. John the Divine ........................Dudgrick R Bevins ....................58 In Memory of William Townsend Stewart ...Jesse Oliver (aka Echo) ................59 In Memory of David Thorstad ..............Allen Young ..........................624 RFD 188 Winter 2021 A s I begin my journey into what has been called, “elder-hood,” I strangely find myself rebelling like a teenager. Wanting something truer, more honest, more sincere, than what has come before. I find myself wanting to talk about the truth of the moment and doing all I can to change it. It seems very punk, and I’m very alright with that. So that is why I have decided to write to you all. My Faeries, my people, who I found almost twelve years ago, with a random weekend trip to Vermont; rented tent in hand with no idea how to set it up. I was searching for a place to finally embrace the queer spirit I knew dwelt inside me. My experience with the Faeries since that first weekend to the present has been one of overarching joy, filled equally with turmoil and bliss. I am very proud to call myself a Radical Faerie, and since I’ve le- gally changed my middle name to my Faerie name, I may be a lifer. But as a dear friend always reminds me, “Every gathering is half joy, half trauma,” and over my twelve years of gatherings, I can attest that this statement fully. Things come up when we gather, when extend ourselves past what the straight world has deemed comfortable and safe, to a place more adventurous and intimate, more queer. I have had moments of genuine unbridled wonder at Sanctuaries, in any Fae space for that matter, even when that space was someone’s brilliantly decorated living room. The Radical Faeries and the spaces we create have forever changed the course of my life. While I could write endlessly of the joys being a Faerie has brought me, I feel to just speak solely of that elation, would be shirking my role as an elder. I’d much rather tell the truth, which lies somewhere in-between. It is my firm belief that we, as the Fae, however we choose to define ourselves, are at a critical point in our experiment of living and communing together, and I believe this point has come about because we have lost our sense of belief. There’s the old joke that you can ask three Faeries what they are, and get seventeen different answers, so I’m not surprised by this problem. But I believe we have lost a sense of what it is to commune, to come together, and what coming together, as Fae, is meant to do. Perhaps this perspec- tive comes from the fact that for the last two years we’ve been unable to commune at all. We’ve all had time away with our thoughts and our souls to contemplate what sort of world we would be returning to. In this reemergence, I see an opportunity to reset and reassess. So that when we do come together again, we can join hands in a new, vibrant, and deeper understanding of why we are on the land, why we call ourselves Faeries, and what is the work we set out to do? First, I think we must look at our beginnings to know from where we’ve come. For many of you, the history of the Faeries seems locked in a beautiful box of drag. Pieces are occasionally pulled; colorful stories that get thrown about at random, boas of the lives lived and loved, sparkling adventures had and enjoyed, the most amazing dinners and performanc- es that all came before your time, and it’s a shame I Want To Believe In Faeries by Justin Elizabeth Sayre Photograph courtesy of the author. RFD 188 Winter 2021 5 you missed them, but that’s time for you. Snippets, but never the whole. Here is what I know. The Radical Faeries, as I have learned from so many elders, began as a response to the hedonis- tic 1970s, when at the end of the era, sex was a bit more transactional, and there was less of a sense of community. Harry Hay along with his partner John Burnside, and Don Kilhefner, organized the first Faerie gathering in 1979 in Arizona. From a few people I know who attended the gathering, there were no substances allowed at this first gathering. Even caffeine was outlawed. It was an alternative to the world of bars and clubs and bathhouses, where many felt like we were beginning to see ourselves as just bodies without souls. The invention of the Faer- ies came from a need to hold space for one another where we could finally touch on the spirit and get close to understanding that spark that makes us unique as queer people. I say queer people, but the first gathering was solely for men, a segregation that’s anathema to me now, but understanding the divides amongst the LGBTQ community at that time, it seems like a short-sighted remnant of a very different time. After that first gathering, the Faeries began to look for land to create Sanctuary spaces. But what none could foresee the approaching plague. I must speak of AIDS when speaking of our history, be- cause for those of us who were alive during its rav- ages, even as children, the scars of this momentous and horrible time can never be denied. So many in our community lost countless friends and lovers to this terrible disease. So many stood up and fought an ineffectual and inactive government that would rather see a bunch of queers dead than treat us with basic dignity. In discussing where we find ourselves today, we cannot skip over or forget the impact AIDS has had and continues to have on our com- munity. We cannot deny the trauma of so many of our elders, who find themselves in a world now sati- ated by PrEP, where what they went through and all those they lost are so often forgotten. In doing the work of healing we must continue to examine this trauma and help those suffering under its shackles to talk about what they went through and where they find themselves today. The Faerie movement slowed under the deadly yoke of AIDS, but as queer people began to fight for their lives, so too was there a need to fight for their spirit. I cannot tell you how many elders have told me about finding the Faeries at the fabled 1993 March on Washington. Seeing this rag-tag group of glittering-drum-beating-free-spirits attracted so many to something outside the grim reality of death and into something hopeful for a bright gay future. These merry makers, these lovers of the ir- reverent, did what Faeries did, and do so well; they reminded us of the wonder. It was a turning point for many, and a time when people began to rethink their roles in a straight world, and how they as queer people could live. A resurgence happened in the Faerie community then that has continued to grow ever since. The problem, as I see it, is that we’ve never fully addressed that growth, and have never readdressed the mission or the work, we, as Faeries, set out to do. This is not some dereliction of duty for genera- tions past, indeed the work of language and inclu- sion is all our work, to do in the present moment. It just often gets pushed aside for more joyful activi- ties. We want the party to continue rolling along without care or credence as to why that party hap- pens, or who gets invited to that party at all. I be- lieve we’ve neglected the continual work that is set out for each of us to do; to make sanctuary, to con- tinue and alter a vision set out for us by the elders, and to bring these new ideas of ourselves, based on the premise that we are spirit, derived from the land and returning to it, to heal and include all those who seek solace and love in our community. Perhaps I’m being too lofty, but it comes from my sincere belief in the capability of what the Faer- ies can do, and in my experience, what they have done. I have seen wonders and want more of them. Perhaps it is best here, that I speak solely to my own experience, rather than in generalities. I don’t want to negate the good, by talking about the overarch- ing “bad,” or shall we rather say, problematic. In this vein of honesty and accountability, I lay myself bare before you, so you may understand my point of view and know why I feel the way I do. I was born in the early 1980s and raised as a good god-fearing Catholic. I was first called gay as a tod- dler, and the label never left me for the rest of my childhood. I was treated as a pariah for something, that even as a pre-sexual child, I could understand. As I grew older, and began to explore my sexuality, I was molested by an older boy at Music Camp, which sent me down a spiral of shame that lasted well into my mid-twenties. I was never or at least have never believed myself, beautiful. Always dealing with weight issues and a personality that leaves most around me thinking of me as a playful eunuch. This was at least who I was when I came to the Faeries. I considered myself a failure as a gay person because I could never see the beauty or love in gay relation-6 RFD 188 Winter 2021 ships. It had never been my experience. I was a soft boy looking for other soft boys to be soft with. After reading the writing of Hay, and certainly James Broughton, I thought the Faeries would be precisely the place for me to be. Almost immediately I “drank the Kool-Aid,” as it were, believing in the importance of Sanctuary. I thought subject-subject consciousness was a radical reframing of the entire world, and a guiding prin- ciple for a life well lived. Imagine seeing people, all people around you, as not just others or objects, but granting them the same space, respect, and freedom that you allotted yourself. It was this guiding prin- ciple of equity, that fed something in my soul. These were my people, finally, my kind of gays. For so long I had seen the LGBTQ community as the enemy; bouncers all at a club, where I was not cool enough, cute enough, rich enough, smart enough or any enough you could name, to enter. Now, stepping into Faerie space, I was and always am wel- comed home. I bring up my sexual history, not to be overly vulnerable, (is there such a thing?) but to simply say that I was a slow build to the outpouring of sexuality in Faerie space. I was not then, and very often am not now, a big player in the sexual economy of most Faerie gatherings. This is not to say that I’m a prude, far from it, but merely to put into context how I view sex as part of the whole of Faerie space. I do think its vital. I think allow- ing people to celebrate and revel in their desires, desires that have for so long been villainized and stigmatized by a larger heterosexual world is reve- latory. However, I think while there’s often such a push toward sexual freedom and expression, that at times we forget that not all partners are built the same, and not all people have had the best and brightest relationships with sex and desire. In our push toward unbridled sexual freedom, we some- times forget the constant need for consent and that gentleness, kindness and consideration can all be involved with getting one’s rocks off. I have seen so many instances of sex going astray or crossing a line in Faerie space. I, myself, was sexually assaulted at my second Faerie gathering; pulled into a darkened room by a stranger who humped one out on my leg and passed out on top of me. And there are so many stories. I’ve watched a known serial assaulter, luring yet another young and unsuspecting new Faerie into a sexual play that I could see in the frightened eyes of the young person, they were not prepared for. In this instance, and in several others, I’ve played the kindly old auntie. Gently but firmly pulling this young person away, walking them off into greener and safer pastures talking about Proust. I don’t want to spoil anyone’s time, but the assumption is that everyone is up for a non-stop orgy and consent is carte blanche. The truth is very different. I have seen young people lusted after and passed around, without any inter- est in their souls or what brought them to the land. Watched Faeries whom I’ve respected and loved, talk about spirit and communing in one breath, then become sharks circling the waters in search new blood. “They’re boys, they know what they want.” One of these friends once told me. I immediately argued back, “So boys are just simply subjected to their sexuality? We can’t nur- ture people; we have to use them?” For this I was called a prude and told to butt out. For this I was also told that I was thinking too much of the outside world of rules, and part of be- ing a “Radical Faerie,” was adhering to an anarchist philosophy. There are no rules, because rules mean authority, and authority means hierarchy and hierar- chy has patriarchal overtones and aren’t we trying to destroy that anyway? I believe it is this naïve and unthoughtful at- titude toward anarchism that continually sets us up for failure. It’s a High School mentality of anarchy, something summed up from a patch from Actual anarchy is much harder work. Anarchy is about personal accountability to one another. We are free from authority, yes, but we are not free from each other. If anything, we owe each other more understanding, more listening, and more care. We are not relying on the state or some heavenly rule book to differentiate from wrong or right, we are relying on each other. RFD 188 Winter 2021 7 Hot Topic. Actual anarchy is much harder work. Anarchy is about personal accountability to one another. We are free from authority, yes, but we are not free from each other. If anything, we owe each other more understanding, more listening, and more care. We are not relying on the state or some heavenly rule book to differentiate from wrong or right, we are relying on each other. We are build- ing a web of consciousness and agreement, strand by strand, person by person, heart by heart, that places all on equal footing and all in the realm of honor. Subject-Subject consciousness is part, indeed, a vital part of that work. And yet what I have learned in my times with the Faeries, is that for all our radical sentiments, there is a real and genuine fear of rocking the boat. So much is swept under the rug, because people don’t want to upset the magic. Sexual predators are given free reign because they have money, or drugs, or a pool, and little to nothing is said about it. Incidents of violence are chastised perhaps in the moment, but quickly forgotten and forgiven without any real recall, and there that person is again, having yet another performative meltdown in the middle of the gathering, or curing AIDS with magnets. Now some of this can be understood with the advent of the word, Sanctuary, which as a very wise Faerie recently reminded me. “The lands are called Sanctuary for a reason.” Sanctuaries are places of healing and solace, and who should come to a place of healing but indeed people who need healing. But Healing is work, and part of healing is accountability. There can be no healing without looking at the wound, addressing its needs, and tending to it accordingly. Without this work, we leave these wounds to fester, affecting others and causing more problems. One of these wounds, perhaps the deepest and most pervasive, is our use of substances. When I think of the first Faerie gathering, and indeed my first Faerie gathering, both were “dry.” The use of substances was kept out of sight and away from the major activities, and I must say, it was a relief. This doesn’t mean that I am opposed to substances. Though I no longer drink for personal reasons, but I love an edible, and I never met a bus trip I didn't want to hop on. I have also seen their use get out of hand. I’ve watch people fall deeper into addictions that changed the beautiful and bright souls I once knew into someone sallow and wounded who I barely rec- ognized. I’ve watched young people ride a high with feverish abandon only to end up four or five days later, wondering what had happened, a shadow of who they once were. I’ve watched darker and crueler drugs like meth seep into our community and wreak havoc on people already at their tether’s end and in some cases end with their deaths. We don’t talk about this. Perhaps it’s because we don’t have the words. Perhaps it’s because we’re not equipped to deal with the turmoil of addiction, and when someone falls down that rabbit hole into a personal darkness, perhaps we all of us choose to walk away or ignore it, because we cannot face the fact that only the person in the addiction can end the addiction. Perhaps we feel helpless. Perhaps we don’t have the infrastructure to really help those most vulnerable. Or perhaps as a community faced with so much loss, we find these new losses, too hard to bear. Or perhaps it’s because we don’t want anyone to tell us the party’s over. I have seen so many of my lovers and friends struggle with drugs and alcohol in Faerie space. In- deed, I don’t know that I have ever been to a Faerie gathering where drugs and alcohol have not led to some sort of injury or altercation. I have seen freak- outs, broken bones and burns, called ambulances, and cleaned up blood, but the root cause of this is never addressed. So, I ask myself often, what are the purposes of drugs on the land? Are we using these substances to create visions that step outside regular conscious- ness and dream up new worlds together? Or are we simply anesthetizing ourselves to the work we’d rather not do? And how are we helping the healing of those in the throes of addiction, by either ignor- ing their use or encouraging it? And for those who abstain, for those in recovery, do we make gather- ing such a drug-fueled bacchanal that they can feel nothing but exclusion and shame? I ask these questions without an answer because I know that I alone don’t need to answer these questions. I can’t set down a set of rules or prac- tices. But I know these questions and so many more need to be asked. I know we need to recalibrate our environmental impact on the land, and certainly our waste. I know we need to continually do the work of expanding the population of Faerie space to include woman and trans people, and people of color. I know we need to question and sit with the questions of sexual health and ageism. I know we need to talk about mental health, and what we can do when people are in the throes of a crisis. I know we must be accountable to each other. I know more than anything we need to believe again. I believe in the magic of being a Radical Faeries. Next >