RFD 203 Fall 2025 1 Number 203Number 203 Fall 2025 Fall 2025 $11.95$11.95 ClosetCloset2RFD 203 Fall 2025 Issue 204 / Winter 2025 SCREEN QUEENS Submission Deadline: November 15, 2025 www.rfdmag.org/upload Chances are, somewhere close to you, there’s a cell phone. The small rectangle we hold in our hands has become near-ubiqui - tous in daily life, a technological Siren that calls for our attention. What has this inven - tion meant for your life, particularly as an LGBTQ person? Do you find yourself on Scruff, looking for a quick hook-up? Do you post Insta reels of your artwork or a protest rally you at - tended? Maybe it helps you stay connected to your puppy pile. Perhaps your Dom wants you to sext a slutty selfie—NOW. Or maybe you detest the SIM-card life and yearn for someone to mail you a nice, long letter. In our Winter 2025 issue, RFD wants to hear how the cellphone has affected your life, whether it helps you gather TikTok follow - ers or it allows you to watch Xtube on the bus. Share the ways smartphones influence your days or tell us why the Earth-lover in you can’t support a device that relies on the extraction of rare-Earth minerals. We’ve all got something to say about cellphones, so share your thoughts in an essay, a story or poem—emojis welcome. RFD 203 Fall 2025 1 Redecorating Fuscous Recesses Vol 52 No 1 #203 Fall 2025 Between the Lines In this issue we asked people to explore how the concept of “The Closet” has changed, how it’s fit into your personal narrative and sharing how to make room in that space for safety, for time and for empowering ourselves to reshape ourselves as we explore ourselves. It’s been a hard summer for many of us and the narratives shared explore ways where the Closet has been a respite, a place to rebound and not always be a place of hiding or oppression. It’s a tense subject but it carries many lessons, stories and places of strength. We also have some great poetry from a variety of voices – we know they’ll inspire you to declutter your closets looking for a sweet outfit for the day. We welcome Franklin Abbott’s new poetry collection, My Ordinary Life, and we include a brief interview and some of Franklin’s poems. As we turn toward the autumn—we welcome our readers to rekindle closeness, enjoy the cooler days, and please consider sharing with us your ideas for future issues and always our magazine exists as a venue to document our stories together so do contribute your words, images and dreams with us in the next issues. We hope you enjoy the issue. From a foggy Vermont morning —The RFD Collective2RFD 203 Fall 2025 RFD is a reader-written journal for gay people which focuses on country living and encourages alternative lifestyles. We foster community building and networking, explore the diverse expressions of our sexuality, care for the environment, Radical Faerie consciousness, and nature-centered spirituality, and share experiences of our lives. RFD is produced by volunteers. We welcome your participation. The business and general production are coordinated by a collective. Features and entire issues are prepared by different groups in various places. RFD (ISSN# 0149- 709X) is published quarterly for $25 a year by RFD Press, PMB 329, 351 Pleasant St., Ste B, Northampton, MA 01060-3998. Postmaster: Send address changes to RFD Press, PMB 329, 351 Pleasant St., Ste B, Northampton, MA 01060-3998. Non-profit tax exempt #62-1723644, a function of RFD Press, Inc., with office of registration at 231 Ten Penny Rd., Woodbury, TN 37190. RFD Cover Price: $11.95. A regular subscription is the least expensive way to receive RFD four times a year. First class mailed issues will be forwarded. Others will not. Send address changes to submissions@rfdmag.org or to our Northampton, MA address. Copyright © RFD Press, Inc. The records re- quired by Title 18 U.S.D. Section 2257 and associated with respect to this magazine (and all graphic material as- sociated therewith on which this label appears) are kept by the custodian of records at the following location: RFD Press, 85 N Main St, Ste 200, White River Junction, VT 05001. Production Managing Editor: Bambi Gauthier Production Editor: Matt Bucy Submission Deadlines Winter–November 15, 2025 Spring–February 15, 2026 See inside covers for themes and specifics. For online issues, advertising, subscriptions, back orders and other information visit www.rfdmag.org. Visual Contributors Inside this Issue Artwork not directly associated with an article. Front Cover "Closeted by" Richard Vyse Back Cover Untitled by Artboydancing Richard Vyse. .........................Cover, 7 Artboydancing. ................Back Cover, 8, 51 Finn Haig .................................27 Donald Patten. ............37, Inside Back Cover Johnny Townsend. ..........................39 Untitled by Artboydancing. RFD 203 Fall 2025 3 CONTENTS Franklin Abbott—Living in the Ordinary ....Bambi ................................4 Three Poems .............................Franklin Abbott .......................5 Changing Closets .........................Steve Milliken ........................6 Poems ...................................Jaime Rodriguez .......................9 The Receipt ..............................Callen S. Sor .........................13 march, nyc ...............................Isabella R. Simões ....................14 a tart sweetness ..........................Isabella R. Simões ....................15 Revolving Closet Doors: My Journey Out & In & Out Again ......Eden LaFae ..........................16 This Town ...............................Pulkita Anand ........................20 Reading body ............................Pulkita Anand ........................20 My Closet ...............................Rabbit ...............................21 Midnight Closet ..........................David Hatfield Sparks (Sparrowhawk) ...24 The Closets I Keep and Carry ..............E. Jackson ...........................25 The Other Survivor’s Guilt: Confessions of a Coward ...............Hot Potato / David Rumsey ............28 How a Girl Disappears ....................Sam Harty ...........................31 Memiors from a Closet ....................Brent Calderwood ....................32 Behind Enemy Lines ......................Source Aurora .......................34 Four Times He Saw His Father Naked .......Tom Diggs ...........................36 Closets Don’t Have Closets ................Jan Nathan Falling Long ...............38 Broken Heels, Tarnished Tiaras ............Auntie ..............................40 Pigpen ..................................D. Scott Humphries ...................41 No Return to the Closet ...................Tsuga ...............................42 Artichoke ...............................Brent Calderwood ....................43 At Home in the Closet ....................Eli Andrew Ramer ....................44 In The Closet ............................J.N. exe ..............................45 My Coming Out Story ....................by Justin Whitney ....................46 Celebrating RFD’s 50th Anniversary at Saints and Sinners 2025 ..............Franklin Abbott, Jason Ezell, Steven Riel 47 The Closet ...............................Benjamin Kahle ......................49 A Sudden Coming Out ....................Leo Racicot ..........................50 Working with Edmund White: Vignettes from Memory ................Leo Racicot ..........................52 Remember ...............................Miss Fire-Fly ........................54 In Memoriam, Lawrence Brose (1951-2025) .Keith Gemerek/Fussy lo Mein ..........55 Gathering Announcements .....................................................574RFD 203 Fall 2025 Poet Franklin Abbott has written a new book as an imprint of RFD Press. We’re thrilled to hear from longtime emotional support guru to the current RFD collective, former poetry edi- tor at RFD about his latest work. RFD: Franklin, you’ve written several collections of poetry and books focusing on men’s lives at the height of the “Men’s Move- ment”. What brought you to this new collection of poems and memoir? Franklin: I write poetry to better understand myself and to connect with others more deeply. Much of this collection was writ- ten during the COVID lockdowns and helped me understand my losses and ironically some positive things about my much slowed down life. RFD: Your work is often deeply personal yet seeking to speak to universals. What commonalities should we be seeking out in your work es- pecially given the times we’re in facing federal and global regression and repression fac- ing common people? Franklin: Two things come to mind. One is the impor- tance of grief and grieving. I feel that a big piece of what went wrong with the last election was a lack of em- pathy. Most people did not care enough to vote or were too tired, too stressed or too cynical valuing the price of eggs over such vital issues as women’s reproductive rights. The other is how important kindness is. When in doubt be kind to others and especially to yourself. RFD: You work focuses on loss, isolation and a shifting world. Can you share a few poems that you most want to share with RFD readers? Franklin: Yes. [see facing page] RFD: As RFD celebrates growing into our fifty- first year, can you give some wisdom to our readers old and young about facing new times with hope? Franklin: We have seen worse. Much worse. Before Stonewall most LGBTQ people lived in terrible isolation and were sub- jected to horrible prejudice from church, state and family. It was difficult to find happiness espe- cially in relationship to other LG- BTQ people. And then there were the horrible years of the AIDS epidemic before a viable treat- ment existed. Fear was visceral and sex was frightening. We are strong because of those experi- ences and we have lived to see things change radically. I think we have to take care of ourselves and each other and when we can make what the late John Lewis called “good trouble.” As LGBTQ people we are agents of change and agents of healing. Let us re- member this with a passion. RFD: Franklin thanks for your time and sharing your work with RFD these many years. Anything relating to our current theme “The Closet” which resonates with you to share? How do feel the Closet as a concept has changed? Franklin: I think safe space is very important. I lock my doors at night. I need and value solitude. I also have the power and the privilege to open my doors and invite in friends and lovers. In a sense we all live in closets. Keep yours decorated to your taste and safe but also with doors and windows that can open to the world. Franklin Abbott—Living in the Ordinary by Bambi Photographs courtesy Franklin Abbott. RFD 203 Fall 2025 5 Fog the crest of a hill birds in shadow flying through everything disappearing I can only see myself if I wipe the steam from the mirror and for those seconds the steam doesn’t rise I can see my eyes seeing me Zikr my dream life is a labyrinth I think Carl Jung would agree and if I had been writing down my dreams all poems are dreams, dreams for fifty years you might think I would have met my Minotaur or found my damn way out neither has been the case I do not know where or what I will lose tonight last night I couldn’t read the number on my dorm key which took me hither and thither through cafes and bookstores and finally I distracted a kindly matron who turned the fob over in my hand it all made sense and when I found my room I woke up having and extensive imagination augmented by lots of novels and movies I will come up with something else tonight it could be a forest or a parking lot or winding city streets and I know the Minotaur is me and he will no more catch me than I will confront him because then, game over we will both die in each other’s arms Creme Brulee I lost my creme brule virginity in Paris in a little restaurant in the Marais where ruby slippers decorated our alcove I don’t remember the entree but we drank good wine we six me and Neil and Raven Ilene and Linda and Kareem Kareem was from Morrocco Neil had hooked up with him outside the the gay bar Le Quetzal when it closed for the night I didn’t know he was a hustler this got us thrown out of our cozy hotel and we found another just a block away none of us spoke French except Kareem who got us into the fast track to the Louvre and into this jewel box where after much wine creme brulee creme brulee came to our table and Kareem showed us how to crack the glaze with a fork and we oohed and aahed and I have never forgotten tonight with old friends Nancy and Pauline at Babette’s Cafe after entrees and wine we had creme brulee my first since Covid lockdown I cracked the glaze and ate the custard and oohed and aahed in homage to Kareem Three Poems by Franklin Abbott6RFD 203 Fall 2025 I’ve lived in my huge three-bedroom apartment for forty-six years. If anyone asks, I moved in when I was two. And I’ll lie under oath. One of the few financial rewards of staying put— besides the leisure and pleasure of retirement—is rent control. Because I moved in decades ago, I now pay a third of what the newer, less fortunate (and considerably hotter) tenants in my upgraded build- ing shell out. Santa Monica’s vacancy decontrol law is the ultimate invisibility cloak for aging tightwads like me. But while being older may have its benefits, looking older in the gay men’s community is a gay- mergency. As I get older, I redesign the paradigm of time. Since guys my age can look moderately disturbing, I’ve shaved a decade off most of my online profiles. Thanks to surgical enhancements, the kind of bone structure Madeline Kahn praises in Paper Moon, and a genetic predisposition for Boy Next Door Syndrome, I can skip over a decade like it never happened. I’ve also mastered the art of the selfie. With the right angle, lighting, and a strategic squint, I can still appear rather fetching—despite my fleet- ing health and vigor. I used to be honest about my age and closeted about being gay. Now the two have reversed. I’ve traded one closet for another. I haven’t had a roommate in twenty years—and the number of visitors, both platonic and otherwise, has dramatically declined as well. It’s unfortunate, considering I missed out on a lot of carnal knowl- edge thanks to internalized homophobia, debilitat- ing shame, fear of rejection, and fear of HIV. Still, I’ve gained a little wisdom along the way. Internal- ized homophobia never fully goes away, but keep chipping at it. It blocks your authentic self—and you deserve to have some fun. Even if there’s still that diminutive dollop of deep-rooted disgust lurking beneath the surface, being real is overrated later in life, especially when your immediate focus is a physical foray down the Hershey Highway. Finally, I can evade the shame that drains me— and convert it into excitement. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. It’s a shame to avoid shame, since that’s what makes sex so deliciously dirty. I was raised to believe gay sex was a naughty abomination. And now? That’s what makes it so exhilarating—and nasty. Shame: use it or lose it. And when does anyone fully overcome the fear of rejection? Never. So let it go and try to be more Zen. Rejection lingers—but hopefully in smaller doses, especially if you don’t summon it yourself. Recently I changed my screen name to KenDoll- Dad to boost my online appeal. A cheeky millennial messaged me to say I looked more like Grand-dad Ken. I thought the name was provocative—until I realized I’d set myself up. It’s hard enough trying to be politically correct. Now, thanks to my own branding, I also have to worry about being anatomi- cally correct. Then he followed up: “Nice tits and ass, daddy. Are you a big squirter?” “Son, please don’t get me started on the side effects of my pros- tate meds….” Ironically, my decades-long fear of HIV has become the easiest psychological roadblock to overcome. I’ve always feared sex—especially bot- toming—because of HIV. But these days, AIDS is no longer a death sentence, and the prescription drug PrEP has practically halted transmission altogether. PrEP is all the rage now, and the Scruff and Grindr guys wear it like a badge of honor. Sure, it has side effects—but at this point, I’ve only got a few good years left on this mortal coil, so why sweat the small stuff? I just added this to my profile: “Pill-popping prude takes PrEP and parties profusely. Cum see about me.” Somehow, I need to encourage more gainful guests to come over—something a bit more elevated than the tri-monthly tricks I currently attract through online connections. First impressions are still key… assuming they don’t flee. Though frankly, sometimes I wish they would. Case in point: a tricky millennial arrived recently, luggage in tow, and asked me what I wanted him to wear. I thought the whole point of sex was to wear nothing. Silly me. I deferred to his better judgment. He went into the bathroom, suitcase in hand, and when he reemerged, it was more alarming than alluring. He was wearing a bedazzled, black, threadbare onesie riddled with runs and holes in the sheer distressed fabric. If not for the strategically placed cutouts, I might have considered making a senior citizen’s arrest. To reinforce my aforementioned deceit, I’ve reluctantly adhered to the mandates of diet and Changing Closets by Steve Milliken RFD 203 Fall 2025 7 "Closeted Fashionista" by Richard Vyse.Next >